Common Problems Expat Couples Face (That No One Talks About)

Expat couples often face struggles that go beyond culture shock or missing home. Here are six challenges that are rarely discussed, but deeply impactful for you as individuals, as well as for your couple life.

When you and your partner decide to move abroad, you probably expect some ups and downs.

You’re ready for the challenges: learning a new language, adapting to a different culture, figuring out logistics, and making new friends. But what you might not anticipate are the smaller, more subtle challenges that can sneak up and affect your relationship in ways you weren’t prepared for.

Yes, moving abroad can bring new opportunities and adventures.

But it can also put a strain on your relationship in ways that are easy to overlook—especially when you’re caught up in all the changes, when you have not done it before or you don’t have a peer group or mentor to turn to for advice.

Here’s a look at some common issues that couples face when moving abroad, and how they can impact your bond with each other.

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1. Communication Becomes Harder Than You Thought

At first, it might seem like things are going smoothly—you and your partner are tackling the move together, talking about your new life, and making decisions.

But as time goes on, something starts to shift. Communication can get harder.

There’s the obvious stuff, like trying to figure out how to get things done in a new country, navigating a language barrier, and dealing with cultural misunderstandings. But there are also the quieter changes: you might start to feel like you’re not really connecting anymore.

You’re both stressed and tired from the adjustments, so conversations become more about logistics than about each other’s feelings.

Over time, this can lead to miscommunication, frustration, and distance, even when you’re living in the same place. You might start talking past each other, or avoiding certain topics altogether because you just don’t have the energy to discuss them.

On the other hand, you might find yourself overcommunicating with your partner, sharing every little detail of your day because they’ve become your main person of contact in this new environment.

While it might feel comforting at first, this can quickly place an unrealistic burden on them. They’re now expected to fill multiple roles—your confidant, your problem-solver, and your emotional support system—all at once.

This can lead to strain, especially if it’s not balanced with support from others.

We'll dive into the impact of this further below, but it’s important to recognize that this shift in dynamics can put a lot of pressure on your relationship.

Foto: Etienne Girardet | Unsplash

2. Financial Stress and Career Adjustments

Money is always a tricky subject for couples, but when you move abroad, it can feel even more complicated.

There are different scenarios of course, but in many cases, one partner at least temporarily puts their career on hold while the other’s job takes priority.

In fact, it is estimated that about 86% of couples were dual earners before moving abroad, and only 20% of accompanying partners manage to continue their career after relocating internationally.

That means that a former dual earner couple switches gears to a breadwinner-homemaker setup.

Even if you’ve planned for this financially, there’s still the emotional weight of these changes:

One partner might feel the pressure to provide or perform, especially if they’re the primary income earner. This pressure can feel even more intense in a foreign country, where the stakes seem higher and there’s a sense of responsibility not just to your own household, but to your new life abroad.

This role can quickly feel isolating and burdensome, especially when the stress of adjusting to a new culture and life piles on top of the professional pressure.

The emotional toll can be just as heavy as the financial one, and sometimes, it’s the partner in this role who finds it hardest to talk about how overwhelmed they feel.

On the flip side, the partner who may not be working, or is trying to adjust to a new professional role, can also feel insecure about their position in the relationship. They might question their worth or contribution, leading to feelings of inadequacy.

There’s also the unexpected: What if you can’t find a job, or your professional identity starts to shift?

💡 It’s one thing to expect change—it’s another to deal with it when it actually happens. These challenges can cause stress and tension, sometimes without either partner even realizing it until things start to feel a little off.

3. Feeling Isolated

When you move abroad (or continue to move), it’s not just the place that’s new—it’s your entire support system.

You’re far away from your friends, your family, and the people who know you best. The people you’d usually turn to for support or advice are no longer a short phone call away.

That isolation can start to feel like a weight on the relationship.

You and your partner are leaning on each other more than ever, but that can be a lot of pressure for both of you. It’s easy to start feeling lonely, even when you’re surrounded by your partner.

If both of you are dealing with loneliness, it can sometimes create a dynamic I’ve seen in many couples (particularly those without children):

You might begin to rely on your partner to fulfill all of your emotional needs.

When they can’t meet those needs, or don’t know how to, it can lead to frustration and even resentment.

Foto: ali çetinkaya | Unsplash

4. The Shift in Roles and Responsibilities

Before you moved, you probably had a certain balance in your relationship.

Maybe one of you handled finances, the other dealt with planning. Maybe you both worked full-time, and you split housework equally.

But when you move abroad, everything changes—often in ways you didn’t expect.

One partner might take on more of the emotional load, or the work dynamic might shift, with one person taking a career break or dealing with job search and the frustrations that go with it.

This shift can feel disorienting.

You might find that your roles aren’t as clear as they used to be, and the balance you had before no longer works.

This can lead to moments of frustration or even a sense of unfairness.

Who should be taking care of what? Should one person always lead the charge, or should the roles be more fluid?

These questions will pop up—sometimes unexpectedly—and they’ll need to be worked through together.

5. Missing the “Comfort” of Home

Even if you’re excited about your new life abroad, there will be moments when you’ll miss your old one—especially when things aren’t going well.

You’ll miss the familiar routines, your favorite foods, and the comfort of people who understand you completely.

This sense of longing is natural, but it can also affect your relationship.

You and your partner might not miss the same things, or one of you might feel it more deeply than the other.

In these moments, it’s easy to feel emotionally disconnected. You might start questioning your decision to move, or wonder whether your relationship can withstand the emotional toll of living in a new place.

The thing is, feeling homesick doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for this. It’s a sign that the change is bigger than you expected.

But recognizing this feeling together—talking about it openly and supporting each other through it—can help you stay connected.

6. Pressure to “Be Happy” All the Time

The truth is, moving abroad isn’t always the smooth, exciting adventure that people assume it is.

There are days when everything feels off, when the stress becomes overwhelming, and when you’re simply exhausted. But there’s this strange, often self-imposed pressure to always be happy, adventurous, and thriving in your new life.

What makes this harder is the external expectations from people around you—those who don’t live the expat life.

On one hand, there are people who think you’ve got it easy, because you live in beautiful places with staff and conveniences.

On the other hand, there are those who see the challenges and wonder why you’d choose such a lifestyle at all.

This creates what many call "Expat Guilt." It can feel like your struggles aren’t valid because on paper, you’re living a privileged life.

You may feel like you’re being dramatic, especially when so much of your day-to-day is relatively easy compared to what others face (your peers back home, or the other people who live in your country of residence).

On top of that, if you’re an accompanying spouse, with fewer work obligations or time constraints, you might feel even more guilty for not being happy.

The pressure to “enjoy” your time abroad when you’re not feeling it can leave you questioning whether you’re being ungrateful or if you’ve missed something that others clearly have figured out.

Foto: Marcos Paulo Prado | Unsplash

The Challenges of Living Abroad As a Couple Are Real, But They’re Not Impossible to Navigate

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel this way.

You’re not alone, and the struggles you’re facing don’t diminish in face of the privilege of your situation—they’re simply part of the complex emotional landscape that comes with relocating abroad. You’re not alone.

It’s natural to feel frustrated in your relationship, stressed by your partner, or homesick at times.

This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or that you’re “failing” at this expat life. It just means you’re going through the normal challenges of adjusting to something new.

💡 The key is to take the right steps to don’t let stress, annoyance and distance take over entirely. By being aware of these struggles as they arise, you can face them head-on and keep your connection intact.

If any of these challenges sound familiar, remember: It’s okay to reach out for support when you’re feeling stuck, stressed, or unsure about how to move forward in your couple life abroad.

If you’d like to dive deeper into navigating the complexities of expat life, I’ve created a collection of helpful resources just for you. You can explore my resource library or join the virtual, annual, free Expat Couples Summit, where we explore tools, strategies, and personal stories to help couples thrive abroad.

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