What You Should Have Talked About Before You Moved Abroad (But Didn’t)

We spend so much time planning the logistics of a move — visas, housing, the shipping company.
But the conversations that matter most? They’re often the ones we skip.


Here are 5 essential talks that can protect your relationship in one of the biggest transitions of your lives.

When you’re preparing to move abroad for the first time as a couple, the to-do list is endless: visas, housing, jobs, packing, goodbyes.

Everything is exciting.

And usually, couples who decide to take that step together, oversee one aspect:

Relocation has a way of revealing and reshaping the very foundation of your partnership.

You will also have to navigate new emotional and relational terrain that can be quite a challenge.

In my work with couples, I often hear:

"We thought we were prepared — my employer offered a couple of workshops and handed us a relocation guide. But the stuff that shook us — we hadn’t even considered.”

This post isn’t meant to scare you — it’s here to give you five powerful questions to reflect on before you go (or even if you've just arrived).

I am going for the less obvious questions to ask yourselves and each other — questions that can spare you from surprise resentment, emotional distance, or avoidable strain down the road. In a nutshell: The kind of questions couples often say, “I wish we’d talked about that earlier.”

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Five Conversations to Have Before You Move Abroad as a Couple

1. Why Are We Moving — Not Just Logistically, But Emotionally?

⚠️ The mistake: Thinking the decision is clear because the job offer or opportunity is.

But most moves have layers. One of you might see this as an adventure, the other as a sacrifice. One might be chasing something new; the other escaping something old.

👉 Talk about:

  • What’s this move about for each of us — beneath the surface?

  • Are there unspoken hopes, fears, or needs tied to this move?

  • Are we carrying different “emotional missions”?

✏️ Why it matters:

Naming your inner narrative now can reduce resentment later. It also helps you meet each other with more empathy — especially when the excitement wears off.

2. What Kind of Couple Do We Want to Be — There?

⚠️ The mistake: Assuming your dynamic will just travel with you.

Every move is a disruption. Roles, routines, connection points — all get reshuffled. But it’s also a creative opening. Through relocating, you are getting the opportunity for reinvention. This is your chance to decide how you want to show up for each other in a new context.

👉 Talk about:

  • What parts of “us” do we want to protect?

  • What rituals or routines will help us stay grounded?

  • How do we want to grow together in this next season?

  • How do we want to divide labor — emotionally and practically?

✏️ Why it matters:

You’re not just building a life abroad. You’re building a relationship abroad.

This is the perfect opportunity to start designing your couple culture with intention.

3. How Will We Handle the Hard What-Ifs?

⚠️ The mistake: Thinking love and optimism are enough.

They’re not. Visas can be tied to one person. One partner may want to leave. A crisis might hit. And yes — separation, illness, or loss can happen, too.

It may feel unromantic, but it’s deeply responsible to think about what happens if things go sideways (especially if you are not married). Talking about this early doesn’t mean you expect failure — it means you’re being emotionally mature.

👉 Talk about:

  • What’s our plan if one of us wants to go home — and the other doesn’t?

  • Do we understand how our visas and finances work if things change?

  • Do we have a plan (legal, financial, emotional) for a worst-case scenario?

  • If we have children, what are the legal implications if we split?

✏️ Why it matters:

Naming the worst-case scenario won’t make it happen.

But ignoring it can leave you unprepared and unprotected — emotionally, legally, and financially.

4. What Are We Carrying With Us — And What Should We Leave Behind?

⚠️ The mistake: Thinking a new country means a fresh start.

But we bring ourselves with us — including the conflicts, dynamics, and habits we’ve outgrown.

👉 Talk about:

  • Are there arguments we keep recycling?

  • What relational habits feel heavy — or outdated?

  • What would “starting fresh” in how we treat each other look like?

✏️ Why it matters:

This is a rare chance to evolve. Not by running away — but by being more conscious of how you want to show up in this next chapter.

5. Are We Actually On The Same Page — Or Avoiding the Tough Talks?

⚠️ The mistake: Assuming alignment because you’ve agreed to the move.

But moving abroad is often built on unspoken compromises. Sometimes, one partner is silently saying yes while internally screaming no. Or they say yes to the move… but are quietly renegotiating the relationship.

👉 Talk about:

  • Is this a shared dream — or someone’s reluctant yes?

  • Are we both willing to revisit this decision if it starts to feel misaligned?

  • Can we create space to re-evaluate later — without blame?

✏️ Why it matters:

The most painful expat crises aren’t about the move — they’re about the things we didn’t say before it.

It’s Not Too Late — Even If You’ve Already Moved

These questions might feel uncomfortable — but they’re also powerful.

Having these conversations doesn’t mean you’re creating conflict on purpose.

It means you’re building resilience. You’re choosing awareness over assumption. And you’re treating your relationship with the care it deserves.

And if you’ve already moved? It’s not too late to circle back.

Not every couple has these talks before they move — and many still make it work.

Start with just one question. See where it leads.

Want to Navigate This Move Well-Prepared?

I support couples who are stepping into a life abroad and want to do so with clarity, connection, and resilience.

If you want to feel more aligned before the pressure hits — I’d love to support you. Read more about my coaching services here or keep exploring my free resource library here.

Let me know what you think in the comments!

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