5 Questions to Ask Before Your Next International Move as a Couple

Foto: Md Shahjalal Jomodder | Unsplash

Familiarity with the expat life doesn’t always make it easier on your relationship.

In fact, sometimes it means you stop asking the questions that matter.

Here are 5 conversations seasoned expat couples often skip, but can’t afford to ignore.

When it’s your second, third, or seventh international move, things run smoother.

You know the game. You’ve done the paperwork, packed the boxes, hosted farewells.

Maybe you even feel proud of how well you handle it all.

But here’s what I see in my work with serial expat couples:

They’ve mastered the moves, and assume they know how to handle the emotional terrain, too.

While first-timers tend to underestimate the toll of change, serial expats often overestimate how much they’ve truly processed.

They rarely pause to ask how each one is shaping their relationship.

What habits are repeating? What assumptions are in the room?

What emotions are getting skipped over, because "we’ve done this before"?

This post is about five essential questions that seasoned expats should have a conversation about before they move again.

Designed to interrupt the autopilot, it is for those of you who’ve done this before — but are ready to do it differently or in a more conscious way.

Content

Five Questions Serial Expat Couples Should Ask Before the Next Move

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1. Are We Just Repeating Patterns — Or Evolving Together?

⚠️ The trap: Each move feels new — but the relational dynamics often stay the same. You arrive, fall into your usual roles, and carry on.

But have you ever stopped to ask:

Are we building something — or just coping on repeat?

👉 Ask yourselves:

What did we learn in the last move that we haven’t applied?
Are there ways we want to shift how we move, settle, or support each other?
What patterns have we outgrown?

✏️ Why it matters:

Another move is a moment to pause. Just because you’re used to change doesn’t mean you’re always growing through it by default.

Photo by Antoni Shkraba Studio | Pexels

2. **What’s Different This Time — In Us, Not Just the Destination?**

⚠️ The mistake: Assuming because you’ve moved before, the process (and pressure) will be the same.

But you’re older. Maybe you have kids now (or are empty-nesters). Maybe the power dynamic has changed. Maybe one of you is tired of being the one to “make it work” or keep pushing through.

👉 Ask yourselves:

What’s changed in our individual identities, needs, or capacity?
Who might need more support this time — and in what form?
What assumptions are we carrying over from past moves that may not hold?

✏️ Why it matters:

You’re not who you were three moves ago. Honor that. Design this relocation for the version of you now — not the couple who did this in their 20ies.

Foto: wanchun tang | Unsplash

3. Are We Still Aligned on Why We’re Doing This?

⚠️ The trap: Saying yes to the next move because “it’s what we do.”

But many couples don’t realize they’ve stopped talking about why they’re still moving — or if the reasons are still shared.

👉 Ask yourselves:

What’s motivating this next step — for each of us?
Are we still in this for the same reasons — or just out of momentum?
Is this still our shared vision, or someone’s silent compromise?

✏️ Why it matters:

Every move has emotional subtext. Don’t let unspoken misalignment turn into slow resentment.

💡 First-Timer vs. Serial Mover — Why It Matters:

First-time expats often miss the emotional complexity.

Serial movers? They tend to skip reflection, assuming experience is enough. Wherever you land, the real question is:

Are we doing this more consciously than last time?

Photo by Rustem Kara | Pexels

4. What Are We Still Carrying From the Last Move?

⚠️ The trap: Thinking a change of scenery will heal what’s quietly been hurting or hard.

But unprocessed grief, burnout, or unresolved tension has a way of traveling with you — no matter how fresh the start looks on paper.

👉 Ask yourselves:

What did we never really talk about from the last move?
Are there wounds, resentments, or regrets we’re still carrying?
What would it look like to consciously close that chapter before we open this one?

✏️ Why it matters:

Closure is active, not automatic. If you don’t make space to metabolize the last transition, the next one will carry its weight.

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5. What Do We Want to Protect This Time — in Us?

⚠️ The trap: Prioritizing logistics over connection — again.

You’ve probably gotten good at handling the move itself. But what gets sidelined is your relationship: the small rituals, the sense of play, the time to just be.

👉 Talk yourselves:

What part of our connection often gets lost in the move?
What’s one thing we want to fiercely protect this time?
What could we put in place before the move that helps us stay connected during it?

✏️ Why it matters:

Your relationship doesn’t have to come second to the spreadsheet. But it won’t stay strong by accident — especially under pressure.